What to do when things don't go as you expected

When you get that rejection email or you are told NO or things don't go the way you expected it, what do you do? 
In this episode, I used real-life stories to share practical ways to push beyond unexpected life challenges to continue to thrive.

Transcript

 When things don't go the way you planned, what do you do? If you've never received a rejection email, or you made plans and everything worked out exactly the way you wanted it, then this podcast is not for you. 

So if it's for you,  let me tell you something that happened. I finished setting up for the podcast, like my home studio. It was so beautiful. I have this cute cushion that is just in the corner of my living room.  With one beautiful coffee table, you know, it's this setting where you have to throw pillows by the side.

You just want to relax, like cross your legs and shoot your video, you know, or record your podcast.  So  I went to work one day, by the time I got back home, do you know what I heard?  Mommy, the table has been destroyed. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, What story is that?

I've already imagined myself relaxing on the cushion with the table by the side so I can support my microphone, you know, and the laptop so that I can record wonderful audio and wonderful video. And you're telling me now that the table has been destroyed, that was less than two weeks to the launch of the podcasts.

So how do you think I should have reacted to that?  To be honest, I said, okay,  I just said, okay. You know why I said, okay, because I've been through worse situations. There have been worse times where.  I planned for something to happen and then it didn't happen. Imagine you've put your mind, and your whole heart into a job application and that job application suits you so well to the point that you believe, oh, this is sent by God.

That means it is going to fly. This one must fly as in nothing can stop it. And then you get the email that says, unfortunately, we found someone else who is better than you. How will you feel? Oh my God, if you're rejected though, you feel terrible about your life because first of all, you had high hopes that this job was specifically meant for you.

And now you're getting this email explaining what, especially when you are so qualified for it. You've even pictured how you're going to enjoy the money, you know, so it's not always palatable. Now the worst one is when you're getting these rejection emails one after the other.

It's not like village people are after your life. It'd be like somebody is doing something somewhere. Don't you think so? Hmm. So what I just explained now is,  what happened to me back in 2021. Yeah. So at that time, I was living in Qatar. I wanted to say I was living my best life in Qatar, but I now realize that it wasn't my best life because I didn't have money

But apart from that, I was enjoying it. My husband's money, of course, and I was also enjoying life in Qatar, you know before I left so  When I was there  I wasn't lazy because that was when I established myself as a stress management coach. That was when this brand kicked off in 2018, which is a different story.

, so that's 2020 to 2021. I have finished my examinations to work in the UK and finished all the PLAB 1, and PLAB 2, which are the professional exams.

I've gotten my registration as well, licensed to practice in the UK. So it's now time to get a job. Hey,  guys, I am applying for jobs. I will apply, bam, rejection, I will apply, bam, rejection, like from that, June 2020 that I got that GMC registration, rejection was just flying in here and there. I was like, which kind of jujube is this?

It didn't even end the deal, hey, because I needed to work now, I needed to make my own money, you know? Mind you I wasn't working in Qatar because my qualification didn't let me work there So there was this opportunity for health care assistance.

I was like,  oh This is an opportunity to get back into clinical practice at least, you know and be seeing certain cases until I  Probably hit my jackpots in the future, of working in the UK. So, this healthcare assistant work, I began to apply. I know one of my friends or two people I even shared with, and they got the jobs. 

But guys, I didn't even get it... Shebang! Talk more of getting a job,  I was that's something to do. I didn't even get any letter to say, okay, your email has been received. I had to meet my friend who's got the job.  She got another email for me. I tried that email. I didn't even get an email, your application has been received.

Talk more about rejection. You know, I was like, don't you think this now, juju, like somebody is doing me somewhere. Mind you, I didn't think that  I was just saying it didn't end the deal. So I applied for different things and even applied, I applied to nursing jobs. 

So I was just showing my ex in different baskets to know the one that works, the one that makes me safe is the one that I went on that.

The Hudson to go to different places, like to their offices, gone, gone, To put in the application and you know, what will happen when you get there, they'll just give you an email and tell you, Hey, take this email or don't give anybody, you just use this email and apply. You now take that email go home and apply.

Oh,  nothing for you. You know, nothing for me at that time. So it seemed like everything was working against me.  Do you know the one that broke the ice? One day, I was a member of the One Woman Prayer Ministry, so one day,  there was this prayer session.

I'm an African lady, I'm a professional, yes, yet I'm big on God, you know, so.  One day we were praying,  and I felt as if I caught fire in that prayer and I prayed there. I was like, after this prayer, let me know what to make my breakthrough not to come. You know? So it's not like I have already settled it as it is settled in prayer.

So I had this confidence that if I put in any job application now, or if I go to any office and talk to anybody now. Everything is sorted. You know what's not the I see shaggy pro max,   so I've done a prayer I now put in applications, even went to offices, my sister, my brother, nothing changed,  nothing changed.

I got emails, rejection emails, the same way they've been coming. So nothing changed.  How do you think I'll feel? Even if it's you, will you be happy? I was not, I was so,  I was so unhappy.  I was so unhappy, but it didn't stop me from praying. No,  it didn't stop me from praying before. I think I'm chasing one thing and that will now come upon me because I'm no longer praying.

But what happened afterward was in  2021,  this is about seven months. Yeah. In 2021,  I had this song, like, it was like my season, like this song of joy. Like, don't worry about stuff. Don't worry about these things. It's just your time, so I just ran with it. So regardless of the rejection emails, I was just happy.

I didn't, I didn't worry about what was going on again. I just focused on the things I was doing in the stress management industry, you know? What happened then was it gave me the energy to intensify my applications. So it got to a point where if I didn't get at least two rejection emails,  I would feel like I hadn't applied to jobs enough. 

 I coached somebody recently and she was telling me about the job, a job, and why, she needed that job.  I asked her,  how much are you applying? How bad do you want this? How bad do you want this? And then it occurred to her that she wasn't even applying well enough. So, back to my own story, that was when I took up the momentum, I took it a step higher, you know, and this was after I'd gotten directions from a colleague on how to structure my CV even better,  so I took it a step higher and began applying it fiercely, as my life depended, depended on Yeah, depended on that application.

I got the English correct. So I began to apply every day. If it's not up to two rejection emails, I will put in more applications because that's how badly I wanted it. So I applied and applied and applied. It was two days after my birthday.  That I got an email. You've been invited for an interview. So you can imagine how many applications, the applications I'm talking about now is that of working in the UK because the ones I've done for working in Qatar, nothing worked.

  And I got this email, one beautiful afternoon,  he said, you've been invited for an interview. I'm like, yeah, now maybe this, and it's not like there was any chance of even passing the interview. 

It's not like I even had options. So it was more like, it's just this one interview. I have to give it my best,   no option. Go and try, go and try your best. No, this one is I was coming in full gear to give it my best. So I did my research and went and studied and then went in for the interview.

Fortunately, the man who interviewed me usually comes to Qatar, so he knew so much about Qatar, and discussing Qatar just set the atmosphere, just made me relax. And then we went to the talks, , it's not like I was the perfect candidate okay. Sorry. Oh, this interview came around March. It was now two days after my birthday that I got the birthday gift. You've got a conditional offer to work at Sososo Hospital.  I was like, you don't mean it's almost one year since after I got, my registration to work in the UK, you don't mean it.

That was my first job after a year's clinical gap. , so it's not like I got used to rejection emails, but they don't move me anymore. As in when things don't work the way I want them to work, it doesn't move me anymore because I'm thinking about what next, what's the next thing to do.  So I'll give you another instance.

My car was stolen, the car was stolen in front of my home.  And when I got back, they were telling me, your car has been stolen.  There was, the atmosphere was filled with panic.  Do you know the first thing that came to my mind? Guys, I am hungry. Let me go and eat first.

And then after I finish eating, we can think about what's next. Because I can't kill myself.  Over a car that has been stolen. I know that transportation was going to be a challenge for me, but that's not what I'm going to focus on right now. I need to focus on what is next 

I need energy. I'm coming from work guys, so I need food. It's not like I'm crazy or anything or like I don't care about things going on. No, I just told you my story. So I've seen worse. I've been through worse. So what is it? Is it a broken table?  That is going to make me feel terrible now because the broken table didn't make me shoot the podcast in the kind of seating arrangement I wanted it to be. 

This is another alternative. I have my beautiful green plants behind me.  You know, I still have, I'm still able to produce lovely audio.  To, to how I want it, even though it may not be studio standard, but at least it tries, it tries.

 So how do you get through rejections or how do you move forward when things don't go the way you wanted them to go? When things don't go your way, the first thing I'm going to tell you is to breathe. I know it's very simple, but guys, you need to breathe.  Breathe,  taking deep breaths as you're listening to me right now, if you're on edge right now if you're feeling so panicky and worried that you've got another rejection email from that scholarship you applied to another rejection email from that's your dream job, another rejection email, or somebody told you no, and you can't stand it.

First of all, breathe.  So if you're listening to me right now,  just sit in a comfortable position.  Sit or stand. Whichever is most comfortable for you. Just relax. You can close your eyes to minimize distractions. And then take in deep breath. Through your nose. 

And exhale through your mouth. 

 So this is just a very simple activity, a simple exercise that will help you come down from that phase of high stress, high levels of stress. You know what it does to you when you're under such high levels of stress,  it will not help you to think clearly about the right things to do next.

So you're going to spend your time in worries, days, weeks, months in worry. , instead of doing the thing you should be doing next to help you get to your desired destination, because let me tell you guys, rejection is part of the process. Rejections are parts of the process.

It doesn't mean. It's not out there to crush your self-esteem. It's not out there to make you feel low or less of yourself. No,  it's actually to toughen you, to prepare you better for what is best ahead,  if I had gotten the job as a healthcare assistant,  now earning money, I may be tempted to become comfortable.

In Qatar, I have a career ahead, waiting for me to explore,  so after you've taken your deep breath, then ask yourself, what am I doing wrong?   This question may be difficult for you to answer. That is why you may need somebody to help you figure it out. It may be a colleague.

It may be somebody that has been there.  So you can ask them, they can help look through your CV. You can even get a professional to help you look through your CV to know what is not working. Well, it may require you to do more, more research, to figure out what did I wrong.

Now the next step is what can I do differently.  See you can't answer these questions if you're in that panicky mood or you're in that stressful Mood where you're thinking, Oh, I've been rejected. Oh, they don't like me. Oh, nobody loves me. I borrowed this from a poster. Oh, it says nobody loves me. 

It's not that nobody loves you. Just breathe and then start answering the right questions to help you explore the next stage of your life. So what do you do differently? Do I need to take courses too? To meet up with the expectations. Do I need to do more research? Do I need to, like in my case, I, yeah, I forgot in my case, I had to do an exam to meet up with the job description, the person specification.

So I had to prepare and do the exam. Unfortunately, I passed. It was one hell of an exam. It was quite difficult. MRO CP part one.  But I did it and I passed and it was part of what gave me an edge to even get an interview opportunity. So, what can you do differently to get to your desired destination? I am not calling on you to give up because you got one rejection email or you got two rejection emails.

People are getting hundreds of rejection emails and in that hundred, there will be one. One, even if it's in 200, there'll be one that will click or that's clicked here for those of us that we had one that's clicked? So what can you do differently? Start asking that question and start doing them now, and now that you've answered that question, the next thing to ask yourself is what other opportunities are out there.

Guys, I don't recommend that you stay idle. Eh? If you stay idle, that is when the worst thoughts will come. Like, it will be like dagga. Boogadoom, boogadoom, boogadoom, boogadoom,  so, don't even give space for any form of idleness. If you're not doing an exam, you're volunteering at something, you're just... 

Going out there, getting yourself busy while you're pursuing your desired goal, eh? So just don't stay idle. Like myself, I was so busy with stress management. Because that is something that has been committed into my hand. I had to do it So with the time I had I had to invest in it learn about it teach about it and help others cope with their stress Guys, let me tell you this.

Hey, don't tell anybody i'm just telling you for the first time June at a point I got so overwhelmed that I had to let out a loud cry  No, I'm not crying.  So I had to let out a loud cry one day. I was like, I am helping other people.  And their lives are getting better. Why is the same thing not happening in my own life?

You know, you're helping people and you're seeing them getting results. Amazing results. They are happy. But then, it comes to your turn. Nothing is working. Hey! I let out a loud cry see here, let me tell you something, it's good to express that emotion. Don't bottle it up because if you bottle it up, it may explode in a way you don't like it in a way that may affect people around you. So it's best you express that emotion like my own It was a cry that came so I had to cry the cry because it had built up so much. Well, what will I do? I will not let it suffocate me. It won't choke me. So I had to let it out for everybody willing to hear me, hear me.

So even my husband thought that he was the one doing me, it was also his fault. It's just, I had to express myself in one way or the other so I would feel better. And you know what? After I finished crying and crying and crying, I felt much, much better and much, much relieved. So if that cry comes. Cry it out, cry it, so that it will not shock you, eh, so that you will not just be carrying heavy heart and be going about and be faking smile here and there, no,  but don't cry for too long, that is where it becomes a problem, don't be a cry baby,  every small thing you start crying like,  you don't have any hope, you don't have any future, that is not true, you have hope,  I'm rooting for you.

Don't worry. You have hope. Things will work out well. As in, it will work out well such that when you look back, you'll be like, Ah! Why did I spend those times crying and wasting time? So, if you want to cry, cry. But don't cry for too long. Get up and keep fighting! Keep pushing to get what you want, 

I talked about the last one, which was what other opportunities I have out there. So this is the time to explore other opportunities to keep you busy While you keep your eyes on the prize, go out there and explore other opportunities even if it means volunteering for something else volunteering in your church or your community, Or even in the industry that you would love to go to, volunteer there, keep building your CV, just don't stay idle.

See, it will work out well. It will work out well. You will say I told you, eh? You will say I told you, it would work out well. If you don't believe it, think about the times you worried about something, and what later happened. It worked out well, Abbie. Why do you think that this one will be different? It will work out well.

Don't worry. Okay. I'm rooting for you.